There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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