Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
