I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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