bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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