just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
