she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
