I want to have your abortion
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
