I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Text me some of your sweat
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize