Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize