Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
