Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
