So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
