I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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