we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
