She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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