he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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