Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Randomize
