i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
