brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
