seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
