Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
