He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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