i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
