there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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