I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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