I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
