i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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