What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
