I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
