I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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