my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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