tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
