why didn't you poke me back
I can tuck mytits in my pants
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
