well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
