4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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