If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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