I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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