T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
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I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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