I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
