Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
