I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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