Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
