I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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