I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i think i have herpe
just one?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
