yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Duck Duck Cougar?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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