I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
