how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
