i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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