I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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