I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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