Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
