If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Holy shit dude........stairs
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
