so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
