You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize