You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize