T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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