I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
