Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize