I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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