yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
