I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
