Umm I'm too high to move.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
