According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
what day is it and did you see me today?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Still dying that you shit outside
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
