i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
