hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
