ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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