Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
